The Words shared by A Parent That Saved Us as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - taking a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."